Mediation is less like a courtroom showdown and more like a marathon negotiation. Knowing what the day actually looks like can make it far less stressful.

If you are involved in a contested matter related to a will, trust, beneficiary change, or power of attorney, mediation is likely in your future. Washington courts often require parties to mediate before trial. The Washington Trust and Estate Dispute Resolution Act (“TEDRA”) – the law under which most of these types of matters proceed – has strong mediation provisions that often guarantee the parties will find themselves in front of a mediator if they can’t resolve the dispute on their own. But most clients arrive with only a vague idea of what to expect. Mediation is not a trial, and the mediator will not decide who wins. It is a private, structured negotiation that requires preparation, patience, and compromise.

1. The mediator cannot make anyone do anything

A mediator is a neutral facilitator, not a judge (though most mediators are retired judges). The mediator cannot make rulings, impose a settlement, or order either side to act. Instead, the mediator helps the parties assess risk, understand competing positions, and explore possible solutions.

That may include challenging your arguments, identifying weaknesses, or suggesting settlement options no one has proposed. But the decision remains yours: nothing is final unless every party agrees. Communications during mediation are also confidential and generally cannot be used as evidence in court, allowing the parties to negotiate more openly.

2. You may never sit across from the other side

Many clients picture everyone gathered around one conference table. In Washington trust and estate cases, that is usually not what happens. The parties typically spend the day in separate rooms while the mediator carries information, offers, and counteroffers back and forth.

Separate rooms reduce confrontation and allow each side to speak candidly with the mediator. There may be a short joint opening, but in most TEDRA mediations, the parties have no direct contact during the session.

3. A successful settlement may leave everyone a little unhappy

Mediation is not designed to deliver vindication. It is designed to produce an agreement. That almost always means each side gives up something it wanted.

Leaving without everything you asked for does not mean the mediation failed. An imperfect settlement may still be far better than the cost, delay, stress, and uncertainty of trial. In contested trust and estate litigation, that tradeoff can be substantial.

4. There will be a lot of waiting

The pace surprises many clients. Because the mediator is moving among two, three, or even more rooms, it is common to wait 60 to 90 minutes between visits. That does not mean nothing is happening. The mediator is having the same detailed conversations elsewhere that occurred in your room.

Plan for the downtime:

• Bring something to do. A book, laptop, or quiet project can make the long gaps easier.
• Arrange coverage through the evening. Plan for childcare, pet care, and work obligations to extend well beyond the business day.
• Disclose any hard stop in advance. Leaving just as the parties near agreement can derail a settlement.

5. The day may run well past dinner

Trust and estate mediations often start in the morning, and it is not unusual for them to continue past 7:00 or 8:00 p.m. Sometimes they go later. Progress is usually incremental, and the final movement toward a deal often happens near the end of a long day.

Eat breakfast. Dress comfortably. Do not make evening plans. Most importantly, be patient. Trying to rush the process can make resolution less likely just when it is finally within reach.

Is mediation the right next step?

While mediation is not right for every dispute, for many Washington families it offers a faster, less expensive, and less destructive alternative to trial. The best results come from entering the process with realistic goals, a clear strategy, and the stamina to stay engaged through a long day.

If Trusts & Estates mediation is in your future – or could be – the Trusts & Estates Litigation team at Lasher is ready to help.