Collaborative Divorce is a structured legal process wherein parties resolve their disputes without going to court. The process focuses on reaching mutually agreeable solutions, while using shared neutral experts, and aiming to meet the priorities of each party. I practice both traditional litigation and Collaborative Law. I’ve run across many litigation attorneys who think Collaborative Divorce is too soft or too focused on feelings for their liking. But that could not be further from the truth.  It takes a lot of strength, for the divorcing spouses especially, to sit in the same room, discuss incredibly difficult subjects, and come to agreement.  It’s difficult to face the end of your marriage but still be able to really listen to your soon to be ex-spouse. I realize that not all cases can be Collaborative. However, there are many lessons that litigation attorneys and divorcing spouses can take from the Collaborative process to improve their case outcomes.

Treat Opposing Party and Counsel with Respect

What does it mean to have a good working relationship with opposing counsel? To me, this means that I can pick up the phone and call opposing counsel when I have a question or need a document.  It also means that I am mindful, when I write letters or emails to the other side, to be fair and kind with the language I use, as much as possible.

When opposing counsel have a cordial working relationship it improves communication, can lead to quicker resolutions, and less misunderstandings.  If there is trust and respect between parties and attorneys, they can decrease costs by choosing informal exchanges of financial and other needed documents and keep their disputes out of court. There is going to be inherent stress with any divorce action but treating the opposing party with respect can lower the animosity between the parties.  This can help parents in their everyday lives with making decisions regarding their children such as which summer camps to choose and whether or not they need tutoring.   Spouses that treat each other with respect are often able to remain more flexible with settlement negotiations.

Share the Work

Working together can minimize costs and increase trust between counsel and parties. Using informal discovery instead of costly formal discovery and sharing experts such as real estate and personal property appraisers keeps the fees down. Attorneys can propose meeting with opposing counsel to draft one asset and debt spreadsheet, instead of each side having their own, to use at mediation.  In addition to saving costs, this can streamline the mediation process and make it much faster and efficient.

Focus on Shared Goals

In litigation, we often put focus on the disagreements and forget about areas of agreement.  It can help the parties reach agreement when they focus on shared goals.  Do both parties want to lessen change for their children, maintain retirement accounts, or agree on who keeps the family home?  It can be valuable to understand the other party’s motivations for why they want a piece of property or a certain division of investment accounts. Understanding the other side’s priorities and goals is key knowledge to have when putting together settlement proposals that will be persuasive.

Reducing Conflict During Divorce Can Lead to Better Post-Divorce Relationships

Parties with minor children will still have many decisions to make together after they divorce.  If the parties work on their decision-making skills during the divorce they will be much better off after the divorce is finalized than if they fought over every nickel and dime.  Attorneys can model this behavior by reducing conflict and working with opposing counsel to find solutions.

If you are considering a Collaborative Divorce and would like to speak to an attorney who can help, Lasher’s Family Law Practice Group has a number of practitioners trained in the Collaborative Divorce process.