“Nesting” is a custody arrangement where, rather than having children move between homes, the children stay in the family home and the parents move back and forth and alternate living there. While it may sound appealing, nesting can be challenging in practice. Here are some considerations for divorcing parents thinking about before agreeing or committing to a nesting arrangement:

Continuity for the Children

The best part of nesting is that it provides continuity for the children by allowing them to stay in the home they are accustomed to, rather than navigating two homes and having to set up a second and new living space. They can sleep in their same bedroom, have all of their belongings in one place, and maintain the same commute to school, friends, and extracurricular activities. Younger children or children for whom change is difficult may benefit most from nesting.

Availability of Housing for Parent Moving Out

Nesting may be preferable to having the children live in a temporary rental for their overnights with one parent. Rentals large enough to accommodate children may be expensive or located in neighborhoods some distance from the children’s schools. Nesting only requires the parents to find temporary housing for themselves, where they may rent a studio or stay with family or friends during their off nights. This can save money during the divorce. It can also provide flexibility for the parent searching for new housing to find a permanent, post-divorce residence, without worrying about an interim lease.

Communication With the Other Parent

Parents who cannot communicate with each other will likely find nesting challenging. Nesting requires them to communicate about the condition in which they leave the family home, the division of household chores, who keeps the fridge stocked, whether the kids can have friends over during the other parent’s time, etc. Even more cooperation is required if the parents share the same space in which they take turns living when not in the family home. Problems can arise for parents in an adversarial process like divorce, which can generate discord and lead to breakdowns in communications. Problems can also arise if one parent decides they want to end the nesting arrangement, and the other parent wants it to continue.

Effect on Older Children

If nesting parents have issues communicating, older children may feel pressured to take on additional responsibility. For example, if one spouse does not clean up before leaving the family home, an older child may feel responsible for cleaning the house so that the other spouse is less stressed and less agitated when they return. In a high conflict custody dispute, nesting can also contribute to the conflict and create more disputes than if parties live in separate distinct homes. If the parents transition in and out of the home at least once a week, these transitions can become exhausting for a child. Parents should listen to children who express that nesting is a source of stress for them and try to understand the reason. In these situations, the children may actually prefer having two separate households to travel between, so they do not feel like their home is in a constant state of transition and conflict.

If you have questions about this, or other divorce issues, the Family Law Practice Group at Lasher is here to help.